Are you one of the many parents whose teenager is about to leave home for the first time and go to university? It’s likely that it will be a time of mixed emotions for the whole family. Hopefully the overriding feelings are of excitement and pride as your young adult embarks on living independently. Undoubtedly there will be feelings of worry and concern too.
The move to uni will probably have been a couple of years in the making, with a lot of time and thought gone into it; but I wonder if you’ve considered and planned for the empty nest you will soon face? It is a huge change and one that parents are often unprepared for. Many are shocked at their feelings of loss despite knowing their child would eventually fly the nest.
But is it so surprising to feel that way? Given that you've dedicated eighteen years of caring and nurturing your child and then overnight it all changes; is it any wonder that it might give rise to feelings of sadness, and grief for the loss of your child (and maybe for their mess and noise too!). Parenting is an all-consuming job and many experience a sense of redundancy.
For some it may go deeper asking more profound questions such as: who am I now that I’m not a full-time parent or what do I want to do with my life now? With the absence of children and the tempo of family life it can also put marriages and relationships under scrutiny.
An empty nest can be an unexpectedly emotionally rocky time for parents, but it can also be a transformative phase, a time of personal growth and change. Parents today are usually spinning many plates – work, childcare, studying, domestic duties, etc and in doing so often neglect their own needs; but an empty nest can be the perfect opportunity to consider the future.
If you are struggling now that you have an empty nest it might help to:
Acknowledge your loss and the feelings that come with it.
Accept that this is an emotionally challenging phase and allow yourself time to adjust.
Share with trusted friends or family how you’re feeling so they can support you.
Consider using this new phase to reflect and re-evaluate your life. Have you neglected things such as your health, relationships, personal development, or hobbies. Now could be the perfect time to address these.
Perhaps reframe your loss as a gain. For example, having more time to realise those dreams or passions you’ve put on hold.
If you find yourself struggling with such a loss then please contact me via my website to discuss how I may help you.
Photo by Luke Brugger on Unsplash
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